I thought about writing this post a while ago, and at the time I remember having a lot of things to say about it, Now I'm trying to get them all to flow back. Hmmm... think, Trisha, think...
In Taylor Swift's Innocent she says. "Who you are is not where you've been... Who you are is not what you did." This brings the question: what truly defines who you are?
Is who we are where we've been? I don't think so. People are born into bad lives and forced into bad situations. These struggles don't define who they are. Kids can be born into a family that has no money or resources, into a neighborhood where crime is high and gangs are powerful. Does this have to define that child? No. In some cases, it does. Children grow up surrounded by the pain and violence and become filled with pain and violence themselves. But other children grow up dreaming to overcome their environment - these children end up fighting the pain and violence to become overall better and stronger people. If you've been in a bad situation, that also does not define who you are. There are some things that life throws at us that we just can't change and these things cannot define something as personal as your being.
Is who we are what we did? This question presents a little more of a challenge. When asked, "does what we do define us?" people generally answer yes. They believe that the choices made in life define a person, whether for good or for bad. But what about what we did? Does that define us? To some extent, it has to. If our past choices don't define us, then we have nothing there to be looked at. Something must define us, after all. If we are not defined in some way, then we do not exist. But how much does it define us? People do make mistakes. We cannot hinge our beliefs of a person on one wrong choice. However, we do make our choices for a reason. These reasons show what we truly are and therefore define us. But, honestly, I don't think that what we did defines us nearly as much as what we are in the process of doing. I'd much rather put stock in the present than the past, as this is the clearest sense of where a person is at any particular moment.
Who we are is not where we've been or what we did, but rather what we are doing.
I've been thinking about this a lot since I first read it, and probably even thought too long. But it's such a deep question. Trisha, you *really* know how to pick good topics. Anyway, for me, "who we are" can mean different things. Who do other people think we are, or see us as? Who do we see ourselves as? What stories do we tell ourselves to weave our identities? Or, maybe something more objective, as in some scientifically objective determination of how we are different from others and by how much, assigning to us a set of numerical characteristic parameters. But also, is "who we are" static or changing? And, are some of us more static that others, and others of us more apt to change? And what makes us change? Is it an event or something that happens gradually, or sometimes both? Or more importantly, how can we aid or cause the change we desire? All that said, I think you (and the song lyrics) get at what matter most to people, which is that we can change, and do change, which means we "are" something currently, not just from the past. Maybe our past actions and learning help define us, but the most important thing is what we do now. We can decide. That's what gives us motivation to work to become who we want to be, not just dwell on past mistakes or limitations, or even failures. We should try, always try, and never give up. That's the most important thing. This moment and the future are far more important than the past, because we can change them and mold them if we try hard. Take only understanding from the past, and happy memories, but let any disappointments & regrets slip away. Aim for the future by choosing what to do "now." Thank you for this post. Lots of people could benefit from it.
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