Uhm.

Today is the end of my existence as I know it. Seriously. Today was my last high school cross country practice. Ever. Cross country has run my life (get it?! RUN?! Anyway..) since I was in seventh grade. The funny thing is that I don't even know why I started cross country. Who likes running? Especially before they start. I certainly didn't think much of it before my seventh grade year. Honestly, I had tried out for the school play my sixth grade year and I hadn't made it. My seventh grade year I decided not to try again (by then I had discovered the magic of musicals). I guess that I just wanted something to do that fall while all of my theatre friends talked about rehearsals and such. So I started cross country. I literally have no memory of considering it, no memory of those early practices. I guess that it must have been a good time. At any rate, I did it, and although I don't know the reasons I started, I do know the reasons that I haven't stopped (I could write a whole post about this alone, but I won't). Running is one of the most beautiful things life has to offer. Who likes running? I do. I love running. I adore running. And my high school cross country team has changed my life for the better. And now it's over, and I'm not quite sure what will happen to my life now. I'm going to miss seeing the girls every day, I'm going to miss my crazy coach, I'm going to miss the exhilaration that running gives me. And just because the season is over doesn't me I won't see the girls or the coach; it doesn't mean I won't run. But it certainly will never be the same. And what am I going to do about it? I'm going to let myself feel. I'm going to open myself up and let my vulnerability out for those girls who have changed who I am, for those girls who have supported me every step of the way. I'm going to show them what they've done for me and do my best to show them that I'd always do the same for them. Some people close themselves off during the goodbyes, but that's not what the world is about. If you don't feel at the end, then what's the point of feeling throughout? I'm going to let myself hurt and cry for what has changed, and I'm going to let myself shine for the life I have ahead. And this post doesn't really make any logical sense and I don't even care. Maybe now isn't the time to speak coherently. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. When I can write this better. Yeah, I'll do that. Goodnight.