To write or not to write: that is the question.
Have you ever noticed that on your busiest days, you seem to get the most work? On days where I have nothing going on after school I get such small amounts of homework. On days where I have practices and rehearsals and appointments I always get loaded. Such was the case today.
The knot I spent the whole day trying to figure out seemed simple enough: to write for my Daffodil Project or to take the day off. It's late, I have to take my sleeping medication on time, so I have to be in bed before the med kicks in. With my pracitces and appointments and piles of homework, I honestly was unsure of whether or not I'd be able to take the medication necessary for me to sleep. So I puzzled and puzzled about whether or not to write this blog post that, obviously, I am writing write now. What swayed me? I untangled the knot. Right now, I need to be writing. Need. There is nothing that will fulfill me more than a good long write out. It doesn't matter what the writing is about. When I write, I'm refreshed. I'm powerful and in control in a way that I can't be in other aspects of my life. Writing allows me to purge what needs to be purged - to let into the world that which I cannot hold inside any longer. So even though today was busy and stressful, I still managed to find some time to write. Some time to get my thoughts out somewhere tangible and real. Even though I'm falling asleep as I write this because my medicaion is kicking in, I realized what was important in my life. And that is writing. I'll need to keep this in mind whenever I'm going through stressful times. It can be hard to convince myself to write when I need it most. But now that I have really solidified the importance writing has on my life, I can move ahead knowing more about myself.
It is the same with me. I untangle many of my conundrums with my writing - sometimes as journals and sometimes as poetry. By the way, I am a bit surprised your entry did not end with sssssjkklklkklllslsllll after you fell asleep on the keyboard!
ReplyDeleteThis is incredibly profound. Good for you for figuring out what untangles the knots! I've never had quite the same reaction with writing. I love stories, I love writing, but once I put pen to paper to write something meaningful, it seems like everything that comes out is just hollow and superficial. I guess my best "untangling" is done through discussion/venting, and maybe even a little through reading.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying the blog, and can't wait to read more.
Mr. Russell - I was shocked that I made it through that whole post.
ReplyDeleteAlec- Thanks!
I really enjoyed reading this. And I found it very thought provoking as well. Writing to me is many things, but writing such as this essay is not the *only* thing I feel I "need" to do, so the resulting contrasts are interesting I think. I write sometimes as a palpable process of thinking, e.g. essays, technical memos, emails, etc. These don't have to be in written form. Often I take a walk to do some major "thinking" about a problem. Probably due to my type of personality, I am personally driven to do this sort of thinking, and I can do it via writing, but I can also do it without writing. I untie a lot of knots in the park. At work I don't necessarily write down the entire process, just the results. But I also write to share. For me, that means fiction, which someday I hope to have published. But I also write music and songs. So I write lyrics, lately even on Twitter (which as a process is really "different" due to the limit in a tweet's character length :) Each of these is different from the other in various respects, but all involve language as well as very personal thought processes and expression. People are unique and think differently. Each person's brain physiology is similar in terms of the interstates and cities, but completely unique in terms of the side streets and neighborhoods. And then there are huge differences in training and experiences. Overall, uniqueness has inherent value, and expression is a major aspect of self-actualization. Plus, language arguably "makes us" human, in terms of allowing us to reason symbolically and to communicate with each other. I think you touch on so much here that is core to our nature, identity, and even our happiness. Maybe this is something you could take further, possibly in additional directions, perhaps in further essays. This was a very good read.
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